the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
