Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize