Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
