i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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