Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
