I cut my penus on the lid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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