Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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