dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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