I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
