I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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