apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
