is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
