Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
