Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
