Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
