Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
