God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
