I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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