3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
