My sheets look like a crime scene.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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