Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize