seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
