I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
