Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
