i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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