Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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