I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
