i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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