i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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