He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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