He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
