she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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