im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
