I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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