I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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