Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
