Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
