i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As shirtless as possible
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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