matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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