i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
