you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
