I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he thought i was a dude.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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