And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
