All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
