So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
