I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
