I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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