i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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