so that wasnt chicken after all
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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