I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
