It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
