Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
