Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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