Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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