it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
