don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
