I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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