so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Actions speak louder than pants.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize