Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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