ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
