pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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