Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
