i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
