On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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