Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
