last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
