we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
