My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
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